The road was dark. Thick, black, impenetrable. Dangerous. I stumbled, feeling my way along against the trees, jolting back as a branch pushed into my face, stumbling over the uneven track, not able to see more than a foot or two ahead as it all blurred in front of me. No street lights, no pavement.
And then suddenly, there was light. Two huge bright circles of light, hurtling towards me like enormous cat's eyes. For a second or two I was blinded, stunned into inaction like a rabbit caught in the proverbial headlights. The light came faster, faster. Nearer and nearer. Not swerving, not evading, not slowing down.
I should run, but I didn't. Time stood still. I felt the impact, heard the crunch of metal against bone, was aware of myself flying, weightlessly, sailing through the cold night air, then smashing hard onto the road. In that moment there was no pain. Just sudden and total oblivion, and everything was black again.
I struggled to open my eyes. There was light. Big bright lights hanging over me, glaring down at me. Then faces, hovering between my face and the lights. Murmured voices, the boom boom boom of something that might have been my own heart. And then the pain came. Hard and strong and unbearable. I closed my eyes again, to stop the light, the noise, the pain. Make it go away. Make it stop. Then someone in a white coat strapped something to my arm. Tight. Boom boom boom. I felt the pulse of blood, like a metronome, and then I was gone.
The light seemed very far away. Down a long deep dark tunnel. Brighter than the other lights, and more compelling. This time I didn't want to close my eyes, didn't want to run. I needed to go into the light, to feel myself fly again. To escape the pain.
"He's back with us." A soft voice. I am back in the room, eyes open. My arm feels tight again. The pain is rushing back over me and through me. "We've got him. He's back. It's not his time..."
The faces blur and hover, glaring at me. The lights blur and hover, and glare at me too. Machines beep. I hear the people releasing their held-back breath. I am alive. And everything hurts. Everything.
They don't understand. I want to go into the light. This is my time. My time to leave. That's why I was on that road. That dark lonely road, late at night, walking away. Away from my life. The debts, the divorce, the redundancy. I didn't know then where I was going. I just had to get away.
But now I know.
It takes all my strength but I lift my head, turn to look at my arm, wrench the thing away. Wrench it all away. The straps, the wires, the needles. Then they all start to rush about panicking, shouting...
I close my eyes and look for the light. Try to find that wonderful warm glow again, that long and luring tunnel I want to travel along. But it won't come back. It's not there any more. Just the lights over my head, the doctors and nurses battling to keep me where i don't want to be, and pain. So much pain.
And I'm still here. Still hurting. I guess it just wasn't my time.
Copyright © 2008 Rob Richardson. All Rights Reserved.