It’s not such a big deal. Who says it is?
I don’t know what they’re all so worried about? Hissing here and fussing there. Honestly, you’d think it was their problem. You’d think it was their big deal. But it isn’t. It’s mine.
I don’t really mind though. I think I kind of understand that they have to feel it too. I mean, a problem for one of us is a problem for all of us. And so, a big deal for one of us is one for all of us too. Just follows doesn’t it?
It’s not like I’m the first one either. Every stepper has to go through this, even the ones that look like they’ve never taken an unsure pace in their life. They might look like they never have but they’ve faced exactly what I am facing. It’s in our code, there’s no getting away from it.
Steppers across the world take this moment, make this move, every day, every hour of every day. There’s nothing so special about me. I know this and it comforts and also concerns me in equal measure. I know what I must do, it’s what we have always done and there’s a comfort in that and yet a responsibility too. “It’s a tradition.” “It’s always been so,” – this is what they tell me and it doesn’t help, it doesn’t help at all.
So I’m here, I’m finally at that point, and I can see them all in my mind, my parents, my friends, even my enemies, all looking encouraging along, no-one wants me to fail not even those I don’t get on with. For failure is not an option for us.
I’m scared. I finally admit it and realise it at the same time. Realising it helps though and I understand, I get what everyone has been on about for as long as I can remember. The mist clears and it’s only me and it, the rope and me, as long as I can remember, as long as I can see. I step out and the crowd gasp and it doesn’t phase me it merely steadys me further. As the audience grow tense, I relax further, their tension is feeding me and I could gobble it up for evermore.
Ever since I can remember it has been this way. The ropes have always been there and we have always been on the ropes. My parents have always been on high, they met there, I’m sure, certainly courted there. My grandparents even – yours might knit? Mine trapeezed. I know it’s not middle America but excuse me. It’s what I know and what you know can make or break you my son.
I point my toe, the crowd inhales and I lean in towards the rope, my friend, my guidance, my salvation. They pause and I enter into that gap, I move forward and take the first step, they are my witness and I am their show.
Copyright © 2008 Rob Richardson. All Rights Reserved.